[honest reflections of a myspace explorer]

Okay, so like the whole myspace.com thing really kinda freaks me out....a lot. I'm all about having an online forum for contact and conversation - that part of it is cool. The part that freaks me out is more the checking out of pages of people you went to high school with and haven't seen in 10 million years and finding out that they have aged and grown or are in another part of the country or have a baby and are married to a soldier from Texas (uck!). That's the part that really freaks me out. I just found out that Kenny is gay (I guess not surprising) and he lost a ton of weight. I found out that Zachary is a sailor - and he lives in Hawaii. A SAILOR. Are you kidding me? Lindsay wrote that her hero is 'my hubby, of course!' and Rachelle is living in some random place in the great state of Pennsylvania. It just gives me that weird feeling of wanting them to know that I'm doing well, but simultaneously not wanting them to know anything at all about me and where I'm at. There's a weird feeling of judgment that comes with going away to school. When you go away you suddenly feel better than people who stayed back. Maybe they're all happy being back in Smalltown, MA and good for them. But it's still strange. If I read that they're living in MA, the word failure comes to mind - unless they're in Boston. How messed up is that? I know how terrible that sounds. And I know that I'm being judgmental and snobby or whatever you wanna call it, but I'm owning up to it, so you can't be mad at me. I'm recognizing that there is something so wrong with this outlook, however, I have spoken with many friends about this feeling and ALL of them feel the same way. I guess it has to do with education - whether that be college or seeing different parts of the world. How can these people who Stayed be happy when there's so much world unexplored? But I have a hard time understanding how someone can be happy marrying a military man, living back home in MA and having a child (with the enthusiasm to dress him in a 'my daddy's a miliary man from Ft. Worth, Texas' baby jumper). Everyone does what makes the happy, I suppose, or what they know...what they learned was the right course of action. They took advantage of situations or they didn't. Some were meant to stay and some to go. Some were meant to marry young and some had their most adventurous years in high school. Some slept with every guy in the class of 1999.

I'm just glad that wasn't, isn't me.