[a perfectly timed escape]

The below list provides highlights from my building's new Standard Operations Pamphlet that I received this morning. This is a little something I call perfect timing.

1)All paid leave must be pre-approved by submitting, in advance, a properly filled out leave request form to the appropriate administrative manager/supervisor.

2)When it is necessary to call in sick, you must talk to you administrative manager/supervisor. You call should be received between 7:30 and 8:00 a.m.

3)Meals should not be consumed at desks in office areas. You may consume coffee/soda and snack foods discretely at your desk.

4)All employees should dress in accordance with a professional business environment.

5)Slacks: Inappropriate items include jeans of any color, sweatpants, wind suits, shorts, capri pants, bib overalls, leggings, spandex or leather pants.

6)Shirts: Inappropriate items include tank tops, sweatshirts, shirts with large lettering, logos or slogans, halter-tops, tops with bare shoulders, and t-shirts unless worn under another blouse, shirt, or jacket.

7)Dresses and Skirts: Inappropriate items include mini-skirts, denim skirts and spaghetti-strap dresses.

8)Footwear: Inappropriate items include athletic shoes, sneakers, flip-flops and slippers.

You cannot even imagine how many of these rules I break. Today I'm wearing a black thin strapped and rather low-cut tank top with baggy jeans and chucks. Last week, I lived in skirts and spandex leggings with wife beaters. I eat tons and tons of food at my desk and make no effort to hide it. Woah. That's all I have to say.

Oh...and if I am ever caught wearing wind suits ANYWHERE in public, save (possibly) a marathon or cross country race, please tackle me to the ground and beat me with your shoe. Actually, shoes...teach me a lesson.

(Photo: Courtesy of www.mayburysports.co.uk)